oh, i remember then...

i was watching a show, 全能俏妈妈。 today, their mission is to organise a party. one of which, organised by nariko, was the best out of all. It was a party for their wedding anniversary, and one of the thing which made me happiest most was the part when they had a re-swearing ceremony. whereby the guys and ladies had to shout 我愿意 once again to their partners. and i was looking at how the gentlemen treated their wives in the show. it was so ideal. i would want it too.

and it made me think of how boyfriend used to ask me everyday even before i was girlfriend.

then, he was the most considerate boy ever. he was the most caring and modest darling. if he didnt do anything to my liking, he would try harder to make everything more perfect for me. he would call me everyday to hear me talk about the most boring stuff ever without complaint. he would innocently buy my facourite mini milo, twiggies and a dozen of double chocolate from donut factory and stand outside my school to wait for my dismissal. we would go dinner together in the middle of the night. we would play games together and quarrel over it and make peace again. play 7 hand poker and keep losing and insists that you let me win.

what is most romantic about is that you, would ask me the thing everyday, " would you be my girlfriend?" when every passing day, i thought you would cease to repeat. but that surprise would always be fulfilled in the most unexpected way. and it would only be special, because it's you.

& it made me think, that with that benchmark set, it is very difficult now to keep it that way. with age, we shoulder more responsibilities, there's less time for everything. would you stilll be able to keep it that way? would you, sustain that burning passion for asking for my hand just like how you did in your courtship? will you go, "would you be my wife?" everyday until i say 'Yes, I do?"

would you say, "i love you" everyday after we marry? maybe you think saying it everyday is insincere, how about saying it once a month even, or even once a year? will you even remember?

i will not think it's insincere, as long as every single time when you say it, you sound like you mean it, and it can be felt. if it's just for the sake of saying it, i can feel it. my intuition will not go wrong.

& dont say you dont have time. because saying "i love you" needs less than 5 seconds of your time. so saying you dont have time is merely your excuse for not even have thought of it at all. it's men's top lame excuse to say you dont have time.

&i hate it so.

but your inconsistency have made me my heart ache. i wonder is it because of my stubborness that have made you angry sometimes. or maybe it's because you haven't seen the worst of me. or maybe you didnt think by being with me, you have to endure so much. you've gone through alot, honey. it's my fault for not being the best girlfriend.

if only i was more magnanimous, kinder, and more understanding.

but it's difficult to be passive. very difficult. especially when i think, life hasnt been treating me very well. & i think, i've been robbed of much happiness. i used to bring laughter to others. now, i need others to bring me laughter, very badly. i've taken some things sometimes too seriously. but to me, those things really mean alot.

so in regard to love matters, i expect the almost-perfect. nothing less than that.
darling. to me, you're more than perfect.