economics paper, so unexpected.

my phlegm is stained with blood. tons of blood, on multiple tissues. and behind it, is a scholar's economics notes. unfortunately it's not education which attempted to kill me, like those ancient scholars who tries so hard to attain the 状元 and ended up vomitting blood. it's my throat.
yes, i have a horse's tongue. but the focus now, is on my terribly inflammed throat. look at the back of the tongue. there lies a clue, directly above the depression on my tongue that was created.


and so i went to the doctor. i was so suffering this morning. i slept at 6.30am. and i woke up at 11 am. because i awoke from acute pain from my throat. it's damn inflammed. it's ultra sore. it's excruciating. it's agonizing. maybe enough, to be paralleled with the tortures of JIGSAW.

and i got a running fever again. 38 DEGREES. i cried, went to my brother, seeking help. i wonder if i should go to the doctor. i consulted kai wei. she supported the idea. i tried to wake brother up to tell me where can i see a doctor. he didnt budge at all.

i cried. and wallowed in self pity for a while.

whilst wondering who would attend to my babyish tantrums, i thought of dad.

he haven't slept. i asked him if i should go to the doctor. he without asking, gave me $100. and said fatherly, "when you're sick, go see a doctor."

without hesitation, i took it. and dad was sick too. but he didnt consult a doctor. i ought to think he should. but he insists commercial medication would make do. i feel sympathetic towards dad. i wished he was less obstinate.

i quickly too a shower, went to raffles medical group in causeway point. i was so shocked to see so many patients, i asked "erm... how long does it take to see a doctor?"

"not very long."

"because i'm having an exam later on, i need to get a rough timing from you"

"oh, it'll take around only 30mins. please do the administration over there."

"okay."

i waited, a 15mins wait seemed long. i felt so alone. i hate going alone to the doctor. why should i? right? sad that darling just isnt available.

went to school. ate grilled fish and mash potatoes. becaue there's no other substitutes which is more appropriate for my MR throat. like curry chicken noodles? mixed vegetable rice? no. i cant eat all those. pathetic enough yeah?

gobbled my super expensive antibiotics, which costs me $1.50 each pill. i got 8 of those. $12! plus consultation, $24. plus GST. plus losenges, $4.50. cool. totalled $42. frantically revising our lasts moments on economic concepts with reuben and benjamin. of little use.

met up with kai wei after economics paper. i didnt finish my micro question. only wrote 1 paragraph for part a and b. it's okay. and sorry honey, i've let you down. kai wei prohibited me from eating this, eating that, suggesting honey and herbal tea of which none was my favourite. but thanks friend. i dont hate you for it. i know you care for me. you're such a god-sent gift to me (:

didnt get to talk to honey. i was very disappointed. i thought i could have him for myself for a second. but he's so trapped in there. oh my. disciplines so tight, i couldnt break through. nobody could.

& i feel the fever coming in again. today it got worse. the day before was only 37.6. yesterday was 37.9~38. today was 38.4. i feel giddy. i feel faint. today i felt cold, and i felt hot. i could see this might worsen. i felt very very cold. it's super torture, i thought i was getting better. but no, it didnt.

i just want to look forward to the call he promised me in the morning.
darling, i just want to hear you voice, for that little comfort which you may provide me with, could actually help me tide over this almost-terminal-illness-alike sickness & mental-physical torment of an important exam.

i feel very very cold brrr ~~~~~~~~