nec training

boyfriend days

SUNDAY:

with boyfriend. went to eat lunch. i was working on junq's project practically the whole afternoon while honey was on his Red Alert 3 whole day. SIGH. guys...

at night, went to pasir ris early. ate at some hong kong cafe, had dimsum. and played the gun game at the arcade for a while before sending boyfriend back again. bye boyfriend!

:( home alone again. i hate to be alone.

SATURDAY:

woke up at 8am to pick boyfriend up. reached at 10 am. and realised that i remembered the timing wrongly. sigh..

went to macs to spend the hour away. and gladly rushed to the busstop to pick boyfriend up. OH, so happy!

ate burger king. but i dont have much appetite. i cant even finish my single mushroom. :(

shopped for groceries. and made boyfriend buy me a tube of meiji chocolates. yummy!
I LOVE HIM FOR THAT. and that, and that... (:

supposed to go out with his bunch of army friends. but honey cancelled it because they were so indecisive. gosh!

macs supper. and he denied me a evening walk. it's okay. i understand that your thighs hurt. (:

LAST DAY! YAY!

THIS hairy guy, is Mr George Spencer. he's out literature teacher. he ain't local. so when he speaks there's a very heavy accent. but he's going away soon. so took some picture with him.

I AM HAPPY. but not exactly euphoric. because the end of a levels signifies the start of work. and i have a serious problem.

i have not found work yet. this is what the economist calls 'frictional unemployment' HAHAA!

we, ruben, benjamin, yi ting and laura, sort of 'celebrated' in the new north point food court. IT'S a japanese themed food court. the food is not really that bad, but ben, laura and yiting begged to differ.
laura had pizza!
yiting had this japanese salmon 'claypot' rice
i had this salmon thing, and it's with the rice wrapped with egg with creamy pasta sauce. i like it but i think it's a little heavy on the taste buds. overall i wont think it's very bad.
ben's curry tonkatsu rice. the curry is a little spicy. not exactly totally sweet that kind. i like it this way!
ruben's seafood ramen. it's quite okay. i would say. but ruben doesnt like it! haha!
here's the food court. it certainly doesnt look like a food court at all. it's like a restaurant. but anyway, it IS a food court. just that it's japanese food themed. so if u like it, maybe u can try. but i'm very honest with you, i'm no connosieur but to me the food is not very lousy, and i dont know why 3/5 of them say it's bad! i'm just saying u may try! haha!

thereafter, went to the hong kong cafe to settle down until around 4. got mango ice, mango sago and mango pudding.

went to nerissa's house to play piano while ben and yiting learnt spanish. & a lizard dropped onto my uniform from the ceiling and left me screaming. god save me!

left her house at around 8 plus. was talking to my darling. home at around 10pm.

honey. i miss you. come out soon. (:

---

i've come so far. but it wont bring me any further.

education. what's so great about it? its just a piece of paper ultimately. i love music, because it brings pieces of papers to life. but i hate to say i couldnt continue anymore.

not because i cannot, because i just cant.

i'm struggling with my literature now. nothing seems to go into my head. it's the lack of practice. the procrastination which have landed me into this present state of desolation and desperation.

my english is not bad. i was thinking maybe i can be a column writer or something. but perhaps i shoud reflect upon my naivety & superficial idealistic vision. it's not gonna happen here. because everyone, is judged ironically, with a piece of paper, which tells nothing of your talent and character.

maybe a little of each. afterall they're all interlinked.

sad to say, we're all victims of scrutiny and skeptism. & maybe, they're a little mechanical with the way they catergorise each and everyone of us. too rigid, my dear. too rigid.

oh, i remember then...

i was watching a show, 全能俏妈妈。 today, their mission is to organise a party. one of which, organised by nariko, was the best out of all. It was a party for their wedding anniversary, and one of the thing which made me happiest most was the part when they had a re-swearing ceremony. whereby the guys and ladies had to shout 我愿意 once again to their partners. and i was looking at how the gentlemen treated their wives in the show. it was so ideal. i would want it too.

and it made me think of how boyfriend used to ask me everyday even before i was girlfriend.

then, he was the most considerate boy ever. he was the most caring and modest darling. if he didnt do anything to my liking, he would try harder to make everything more perfect for me. he would call me everyday to hear me talk about the most boring stuff ever without complaint. he would innocently buy my facourite mini milo, twiggies and a dozen of double chocolate from donut factory and stand outside my school to wait for my dismissal. we would go dinner together in the middle of the night. we would play games together and quarrel over it and make peace again. play 7 hand poker and keep losing and insists that you let me win.

what is most romantic about is that you, would ask me the thing everyday, " would you be my girlfriend?" when every passing day, i thought you would cease to repeat. but that surprise would always be fulfilled in the most unexpected way. and it would only be special, because it's you.

& it made me think, that with that benchmark set, it is very difficult now to keep it that way. with age, we shoulder more responsibilities, there's less time for everything. would you stilll be able to keep it that way? would you, sustain that burning passion for asking for my hand just like how you did in your courtship? will you go, "would you be my wife?" everyday until i say 'Yes, I do?"

would you say, "i love you" everyday after we marry? maybe you think saying it everyday is insincere, how about saying it once a month even, or even once a year? will you even remember?

i will not think it's insincere, as long as every single time when you say it, you sound like you mean it, and it can be felt. if it's just for the sake of saying it, i can feel it. my intuition will not go wrong.

& dont say you dont have time. because saying "i love you" needs less than 5 seconds of your time. so saying you dont have time is merely your excuse for not even have thought of it at all. it's men's top lame excuse to say you dont have time.

&i hate it so.

but your inconsistency have made me my heart ache. i wonder is it because of my stubborness that have made you angry sometimes. or maybe it's because you haven't seen the worst of me. or maybe you didnt think by being with me, you have to endure so much. you've gone through alot, honey. it's my fault for not being the best girlfriend.

if only i was more magnanimous, kinder, and more understanding.

but it's difficult to be passive. very difficult. especially when i think, life hasnt been treating me very well. & i think, i've been robbed of much happiness. i used to bring laughter to others. now, i need others to bring me laughter, very badly. i've taken some things sometimes too seriously. but to me, those things really mean alot.

so in regard to love matters, i expect the almost-perfect. nothing less than that.
darling. to me, you're more than perfect.

Diet Plan

a diet is really not about switching from coke to diet coke. it's about switching potatochips into apples, about the ability to control, and refrain from eating supper to sleeping.

and these days, i've only able to do all these, is primarily because i've been sick.
and i lost 2 kg. yay!

if you're thinking that i'll tell you my real weight. dream on, really. only boyfriend knows ;p
&honey, i know. you couldnt believe your eyes. to me, it was expected. i've suffered alot huh!

after a levels, i'm going on a intensive training programme. i have an aim. multiple aims in fact.

1. lose 6kg (yes, only 6kg. it's very attainable)
2. be able to do 1 pull up.
3. swim 20 laps in 30mins. (my current time is around 40mins, honey! i'll win you! i will!)
4. lose 1 inch off my waist.
5. lose tummy fats. (it's achievable. with the right method)
6. lose 2 inches off my thighs.
7. firm up my arms.
8. run 4km continuously.
9. able to fit into a S size. (currently M!!)
10. lose butt fats.

honey, i can do it. just you wait!
just prepare yourself for a hot-bod girlfriend!

luckily my face is not too bad to begin with. =p

Helping Others.

boyfriend is away again.

boyfriend, come back soon (: by the time you're back, my a levels would be over. (: i'll have tons of time to fork out, even more than what i've already given you. (: YAY!

hooray!
------------------------------

was watching the channel 8 家庭总动员。hosted by quan yi feng and christopher lee. when watching this kind of show, i would cry. i'm quite a emphathetic person. i sympathasize people's situation. i think it's avery meaningful show. they should come up with more of this. because around us, there's simply too many unfortunate individuals around.

quan yi feng was very right, "when you fall down, the most important thing is to help yourself up, even if you're left alone" but the worrying thing is, some out there, would not even help themselves up.

though the help is not extensive, but let me tell you a story. i think i've told to some of you before, but i have to say it again.

back when i was JC1, when Martin Shing was still in our school, i went out with him and Hui Qing. outside Shaw in orchard, we saw this cripppled old lady, selling tissues and other stuff. Martin bought tissues from her, and gave it to us, saying he didnt need it.

it was just a dollar, yes, but you dont know how much it meant to that old lady. to you it may mean nothing, but it may mean the extra ability to earn herself another spoonful of rice.

i asked martin, "why did u buy it since you didnt need it."

"because i wanted to help the lady."

"there's so many of them, how much can you help?" i said. AND MARTIN REPLIED SOMETHING I'LL NEVER FORGET,

"不懂耶，能帮一个是一个咯。。"

it totally touched me. i'll never forget what he said. because it never came across my mind. it was something that he really thought about before. and audiences out there, dont lie, i bet you also never thought of it this way. i thought, his mentality was really something to be proud of. to have such a friend, it's really my honour.

& i also thought, it's what the show was all about. just try their best to help whoever they can, quantity is not their aim. it's really the thought that counts.

just her luck!

I WAS A HERO TODAY.

just that stupid unlearned slut old lady's luck. to have met me, to teach her a lesson. for free somemore! BETTER SHUT HER BIG FAT GAP UP. not everybody would tolerate her. just like how i didnt tolerate her.


incident: old lady bumped into me, accuse me of hitting her with my bag, and kept pointing fingers at me, and accuse me, telling almost everyone that i hit her.

what i did: i couldnt stand her, she was so repulsive and unreasonable. she said it once, she said it twice. i tolerated. she started pointing fingers, repeated at least 10 times that i hit her.

I HAD TO TEACH HER A LESSON.

1. if she cant stand people bumping into her, she shouldnt come out in the first place. DOG.
2. i was backfacing her, so how do i hit her with my bag? obviously she bumped into me.
3. the entrance is so wide, she could have walked the other side, so another evidence of her bumping into me.
4. she's not injured in anyway, so OLD LADY, SHUT THE FUCK UP.
5. i am not crazy, so i dont go around hitting people with my bag. if u do that, i pity you.
6. i did not bump into you, so i shouldnt say sorry. why should i? instead she bumped into me, she should say sorry for bumping into me and accusing me. DOG.
7. IF I WAS IN THE WRONG, call for the police, and see whether he'll catch me. DOG.
8. coward. for changing the topic when you're left with nothing to say.
9. nowadays, it's the older generation who are pushing their luck, not that we're not polite.
10. if you have an issue with people bringing bags out, why do you bring a bag out yourself?
11. if u didnt stare at me, how would you know i am staring at you?

FUCKING OLD LADY WHO KEPT PUSHING HER LUCK. i had to cut it off. she had to stop. i wonder how many people became her victim of criticism. BLOODY OLD HAG. she'll get her due retribution.

and honey. i guess, we'll be fine. it's not the first time anyway. it's okay, it's okay.

honey's out

i had portugese chicken baked rice. honey had a pork chop baked rice
botak!

went to pick darling up at 5 something. before that i was sleeping all the way. i needed all that. i wonder why am i so sleepy but guess i've been sleeping too late.

met darling at 6pm only. was discussing how he should rise up the ranks and make sure his suburdinates make sure the people, those recruit suffer the same fate as he did, for leaving him behind to take another bus despite being let off late already.

sigh. its alright. they dont have a pretty girlfriend to take you from the busstop. it's okay, it's okay.

thereafter, went to eat some baked rice from the hongkong place.

and played a little bit of DDR and arcade, and with darling beating me in a DAYTONA despite going into a pitstop.

i dont remember having dinner.

played the laptop. read a bit of online notes.

good night darling. i had fun. so have you. and i missed you alot. and i miss you still.

AS IF A LEVELS IS OVER!

in carl's junior
hon long and reuben
reuben trying to imitate fei fei's picture. please look to the right, where i posted a picture a picture of fei fei and chic. hahaa! nonsense!
our rubbish




celebrate! LOL. went out with ruben, laura, and ben. played arcade in plaza singapura. but before that, we went to eat first. talked alot. about school and stuff. LOL.

then at around 6pm, hon long and rui shan came to join. played more arcade, and ate carl's junior. gosh. LOL. and of course, chit chat even more.

played arcade again! until it was 11pm.

day was fun, but you know, a levels isnt exactly over yet. LOL.

geog paper

geog paper was quite easy, so easy, i got so much to write, i didnt finish the paper. HAHa. BUT IT'S OKAY. IT'S OVER!

so after school. we had a small celebration in long john's we -owed-ya-peh-ya-sume to decide a loser amongst us to choose the place. thus, we had to go long john's. it was yiting. haha.

ate, chitchat, walked around. and roamed around. played the arcade in uniform too! LOL. played time crisis. it sucked. but fun though.

went home, slept the entire afternoon. felt like a levels is over. felt damn relieved. but u know. there's one last paper. literature. gosh. hope it'll be easy. hope hopehope!

darling got this life range thingy. so called damn damn late. close to 2.

played pet society in facebook. quite fun. but it's a waste of time at the same time! LOL

economics paper1, so expected.

i felt so so so so so angry. WHY? didnt you call me? i'm thoroughly disappointed. and of course, not only i hate you, i hate myself, for not waking up as well. i'm sure i set the alarm, but i didnt hear it ring, i dont even have any recollections i turned it off. why? why?

MY DAY WAS BAD TO BEGIN WITH. so if you stand in my way, too bad you're suffering from my wrath that isnt supposed to be directed to you. but my anger is blind. and when i'm angry, i dont really give a damn.

resorted to physical inflictions. and reprimanded myself.

and totally crestfallen, that you, do not know me well enough to know how important the call was to me. it was a billion hopes placed onto it. it was the ignition to my dying soul. it was the source of strength for my dwindling faith and tortured physique and psyche. and it's your voice that has the power to rekindle it all.

BUT YOU DIDN'T MAKE THE CALL. & that's why i was infuriated.

economics paper, so unexpected.

my phlegm is stained with blood. tons of blood, on multiple tissues. and behind it, is a scholar's economics notes. unfortunately it's not education which attempted to kill me, like those ancient scholars who tries so hard to attain the 状元 and ended up vomitting blood. it's my throat.
yes, i have a horse's tongue. but the focus now, is on my terribly inflammed throat. look at the back of the tongue. there lies a clue, directly above the depression on my tongue that was created.


and so i went to the doctor. i was so suffering this morning. i slept at 6.30am. and i woke up at 11 am. because i awoke from acute pain from my throat. it's damn inflammed. it's ultra sore. it's excruciating. it's agonizing. maybe enough, to be paralleled with the tortures of JIGSAW.

and i got a running fever again. 38 DEGREES. i cried, went to my brother, seeking help. i wonder if i should go to the doctor. i consulted kai wei. she supported the idea. i tried to wake brother up to tell me where can i see a doctor. he didnt budge at all.

i cried. and wallowed in self pity for a while.

whilst wondering who would attend to my babyish tantrums, i thought of dad.

he haven't slept. i asked him if i should go to the doctor. he without asking, gave me $100. and said fatherly, "when you're sick, go see a doctor."

without hesitation, i took it. and dad was sick too. but he didnt consult a doctor. i ought to think he should. but he insists commercial medication would make do. i feel sympathetic towards dad. i wished he was less obstinate.

i quickly too a shower, went to raffles medical group in causeway point. i was so shocked to see so many patients, i asked "erm... how long does it take to see a doctor?"

"not very long."

"because i'm having an exam later on, i need to get a rough timing from you"

"oh, it'll take around only 30mins. please do the administration over there."

"okay."

i waited, a 15mins wait seemed long. i felt so alone. i hate going alone to the doctor. why should i? right? sad that darling just isnt available.

went to school. ate grilled fish and mash potatoes. becaue there's no other substitutes which is more appropriate for my MR throat. like curry chicken noodles? mixed vegetable rice? no. i cant eat all those. pathetic enough yeah?

gobbled my super expensive antibiotics, which costs me $1.50 each pill. i got 8 of those. $12! plus consultation, $24. plus GST. plus losenges, $4.50. cool. totalled $42. frantically revising our lasts moments on economic concepts with reuben and benjamin. of little use.

met up with kai wei after economics paper. i didnt finish my micro question. only wrote 1 paragraph for part a and b. it's okay. and sorry honey, i've let you down. kai wei prohibited me from eating this, eating that, suggesting honey and herbal tea of which none was my favourite. but thanks friend. i dont hate you for it. i know you care for me. you're such a god-sent gift to me (:

didnt get to talk to honey. i was very disappointed. i thought i could have him for myself for a second. but he's so trapped in there. oh my. disciplines so tight, i couldnt break through. nobody could.

& i feel the fever coming in again. today it got worse. the day before was only 37.6. yesterday was 37.9~38. today was 38.4. i feel giddy. i feel faint. today i felt cold, and i felt hot. i could see this might worsen. i felt very very cold. it's super torture, i thought i was getting better. but no, it didnt.

i just want to look forward to the call he promised me in the morning.
darling, i just want to hear you voice, for that little comfort which you may provide me with, could actually help me tide over this almost-terminal-illness-alike sickness & mental-physical torment of an important exam.

i feel very very cold brrr ~~~~~~~~

lit paper, so unexpected.

and so, this morning, had to thank kai wei for making the effort to wake me up, she sounds really cute with that super sleepy voice, and it made me laugh for the day. also, my dad's authoritative voice woke me up from my deep sleep. luckily i didnt sleep back, and i certainly felt much better after taking the pills before i slept. i feel good this morning!

lit paper was so unexpected. velan and minor characters came out as questions. i wonder why the cornfield was there in the poem and so repeated. it's not entirely difficult, just that i had a race with time. anyway, it's over, and i dont want to talk about it anymore

keith and ben coerced me into eating with the bunch of them. i could have gone home earlier after lit paper at 12, finish showering and eating by 1 and sleep by 2, wake up by 6, study and do whatever shit. but my plan totally thwarted. it's okay. i had fun. (: and the yu pian mi fen auntie thinks i'm cow, she gave me a horde of veggies. gosh. i could never finish them despite the stalks being my favourite.
more veggies than mi fen.

went home, complain to my brother and his girlfriend, showered. slept. supposed to wake up at 7pm. but i woke at 8.30 instead. sigh. why am i so tired all the time? and the lozenges are making my throat more terrible, and i see blood in my phlegm.

i had a dream. i dreamt of my maid, marissa. i do miss her, alot.

talk with darling made me feel so good. but his cough and phlegmy cough pains me. i wonder why he got all these. it's not me certainly. i think i got it from him though. anyway, he has all the love he needs, from me (of course! who else?!) .

&HONEY, sleepy tight. dont kick the blanket. you feel cold, and that's not a good sign. hope you'll feel better tomorrow. (:

)(*&^%$#@!

throbbing headaches, fever, exam at 8am tomorrow, all constitues to sympathetic figure, that i am now.

i feel like jelly. and my head feels very disproportionately heavy at the top. i feel as if i'm feeling; when onlooking a child with hydrocephalus. No, i feel more like i'm down with that condition.

feeling so angry, so frustrated that i am not finishing everything and still slept for more than half the day. i wonder what would become of me the next few days. my faith is dwindling, yet i know i cannot give up at this moment in time. and kaiwei's midnight call to me has made me feel better. thanks friend. (:

thereafter, i cried. as i emphatise upon my own situation. its an irony in itself. still, i cried my lungs out, i cried till the headache became much worse, i cried till had no more tears; i could have torn myself apart.

i wish my darling could be here to hold my being together, accompany me, watch me study without playing his game. i know this may be very selfish, but i want you at my disposal.

i know, it's ridiculous. who am i to force you make that sacrifice, so overboard, so selfish, so not-understanding? i wish i had been a better girlfriend.

& i know, crying isnt a solution. but, it seems the most feasible thing to do when i'm all alone in the room, mugging weakly, hoping he could be there... ...

i got fei fei keychain!

his name is chic, derived from 'chick', as it is yellow and premature, like a 'chick' from a chicken. also, it's 'chic' because it's my fashion icon, i bring it around. so it all makes sense to you?


OH, THANKS HONEY FOR CHIC! (:

and sigh, when it comes to matters like this, i guess, i have better brains to work things out. it's not entirely your fault. i shouldnt have left you with all the burden to shoulder.

no matter what, honey, i love you. (*:

idealistically, i would like this.

woke up not so early in the morning to so to the super market to get our stuffs. i wanted to make him breakfast, and there, we got all these. sausages, bacon (yummy!) eggs, bread and milk.


and i cooked this, singlehandedly. darling helped minimally. so i shall claim all of the credit. (: you wanna eat only!


looks nice eh? no?!!!!!the scrambled eggs, bacon, pan grilled sausages, and a tiny amount of baked beans. fast breakfast, all in 15mins. (:
hoped you love it.


& honey, if not for this incident, i wouldn't know, how much you've kept to yourself. u are poor thing too. sigh.

my empathetic capacity for you is colossal. bear that in mind.

relaxing day (:

life's too much to bear, why not go out for a day, and let your body rest? when you're too tired, just leave everything aside, while you can, go out for a nice walk, spend some time with boyfriend, and allow yourself to be loved. (:

went to seng kang to Laneige, to redeem my free gelly foam. Ah, the beefits of being a member. Laneige products are pretty reliable and effective. do try it. i can do the necessary recommendations. hey girls, you're turning 20 now, learn how to pamper yourself. and it's not too late to start on the anti aging. just look at fann wong, she still looks 10 years younger.

after that, we went to marina, got my Charis Asher. THANKS DARLING, i swear you are the best boyfriend! not only my material wants, also, since you've been out, you've been really sweet. i couldnt ask for more. (:

thereafter, went to look for a pair of shoes for my honey. and we finally bought one in suntec. (: hope you like it darling. too bad my fei fei key chain doesnt come in red. OH MAN!

i love our light snack, old chang kee, and omg honey, remember the smallest da pau we ever seen. HAHAHA. what a delight!

watched quantum of solace. too bad, the dog tag was given out on the first day. otherwise it would be a nice souvenir. (: too action packed for me. i prefered thrillers though. im really scared of cinemas. but i was so glad, you didnt let go. (: then dinner at the food court in suntec convention centre. nice. even cleaners are dressed in qi paus!

my curry chicken rice tasted good. wanted some congee, but it's really not worth it. $6.80!
oh, what a pretty boy. what a lovely boyfriend.
and our so-not-romantic candle-lit dinner. HAHAH!
HE BOUGHT ME THIS! it's really not so cheap for bags like this. $80. but i really love it. and i like the feeling of you standing up there at the counter, taking out your card, and getting something for me. it's a.... good feeling (: primarily because, it's not my money! and i dont feel the pain! HAHAHAHAHAHA.

ANYWAY, thanks thanks! (:
the interior is as pleasing to the eye. (:

and honey's new shoes. they're not as impressive as the olive green one. however, the striking purple is not bad too. it's okay honey, we'll get another pair soon. just make do alright?

honey, to sum up whatever i feel for you..... i love you. let it stay this way. i love your sweetness today, not too sweet, not too bitter, not too sour. just nice. just nice. (:

and kai wei, you noob! take care ya. drink more water!

oh, honey, you're out, again!

we stopped somewhere, and closed the book. it's time to read it again, but you forgot where to start from again, you wonder where you stopped the last time. cant remember if it was a happy or angry setting, or maybe you dont know how to catergorise those complicated feelings. now you're on it again, what will happen next? you dont know. but of course, your innate instincts wished everything was well, would go well, or maybe, even better... went to coffee club to study, while waiting for honey's return.
oh, darling, why so late, i could have died, of love sick. (: & the mango drink i ordered, costs me freaking $7.20, is so so so chilled, and had left me freezing in the cafe.

but his presence was a delight. too stunned for words, couldnt hug or hold his hands because of the uniform, all i could was just to stare at him, as long as i could, with the lovelorn eyes; do you know how much i missed you?

went to compass point for dinner thereafter. he insists on fried food for being so so deprived. haha. anyway, we got it. (:
monkey-bars defects.
leopard crawls.

oh darling, it may mean nothing to you. but every single scar i see, i feel the pain, in my heart. deep down, your manly facade wont help to cover up for everything i see. gosh. why do boys hide it so well? are you made to endure all these?

there's more, on his arms. bruises, scratches, blisters. gosh. so painful, so painful!

men are amazing. and you're a man. (:

our random antics

here's it. went to tiong bahru to take the purses. gosh i'm so fed up with the seller. this will be the last time i'm buying from her man.


Went to MOS burger alone to study. yeah, study alone. so loner right. :(

but kai came at night to eat dinner with me, so HEY, i still got a friend. HAHA. & as we went to action city to see of there's a fei fei friend, there was, a yellow one, we saw these really interesting stuffs.....
ever seen such a big sushi?
It's drumsitck lickin' good! (:

YUMMY! & darling, i saw a carrot chain and a carrot softtoy, wanted to get them for you, but i'm afraid you wont like it. saw a fei fei key chain buy didnt get it too because there's no red ones.

i wonder if they'll have it. darling, i want a fei fei keychain. so i can bring it around.

--baby, i'm so glad you'll be out tomorrow. so glad, so glad.

horoscopes

If you're in a relationship or just starting one, you and your partner may be entering a phase of separation. It's healthy, so don't worry!

how healthy can a phase of seperation be? it's very ambiguous when horoscopes says things like that. and it usually holds a almost universal meaning that holds a possibility to almost everything you encounter. in a way, you may argue because of this, it's inaccurate. but when you are able to fin something in common or to relate something to your own experiences or happenings currently, you will believe in it.

so, if i'm a believer, it must be saying that my baby, who's engaged in his field camp and unable to get out of that place for the moment, is gonna benefit our relationship. to infer further, perhaps, it alludes to the common saying, "abscence makes the heart fonder"

i hope just in believing it, it will be reality.
oh, honey, did you miss me?

2nd day paper- math. ended!

NICE? cousin says he's gonna get it for me. a birkenstock. they dont have alot of nice designs, maybe this is one of the more feasible ones. (: birthday belated present. wahaha! I LOVE RED!

today's tuesday, and on monday night itself, like i said, went for a little celebration and outing with keith and reub and ben and girls for dinner, i went home. wanted to study, but PLOP! i couldnt stand the fatigue, i decided to sleep a little while, for 90 mins, and supposed to wake up at 11.30pm again to study. but then again, i slept all the way till 2.30 am.

gosh! I TOLD MYSELF I GOT TO STUDY. so i woke up from my slumber, cleared my clouded mind and went through examples over and over again, making sure i knew what i was doing and what the chim chim mathematical question meant.

it was hell. especially in the abscence of boyfriend. but i knew i had to do it. i stayed awake till 7am in the morning and decided to go back to sleep and continue again.

Patrick called at 6.30am. nice of him! wish i had a paper then! then Dad called too! haha! i should have given them my timetable so they will know what are the appropriate times to call! but i was touched though, that people actually care. (: and hon ren, sms-ed, " good luck for your a levels, let's go NUS together:) ."

not really interested in going with him though, and dont think i can do it too. but nevertheless, it makes me feel that people do care. and it made up for the hollowness i feel when boyfriend isnt actually there.

i'm very tired. i hope all these ends soon. and my menstrual thingy had to arrive today. IT TOTALLY SPOILT MY DAY. what to do? sigh.

-darling, i'm waiting for your return. did you hurt yourself? are you used to it? are you enjoying yourself? are you okay? are you experiencing your typical synus noseblock thing? how was it? was the food nice?

tell me everything, everything i'd like to hear, everything, please.
-& i didnt waiver.

first day down

thanks to people who are so so nice to call me up. at 6.25am, slightly before the time i should wake up, Patrick called, yes, from Aussie. then later on, at 6.30, kai wei called me too. followed by jia min's message which rang my phone, then dad called at 6.35am.

very useful alarm clocks. (: of course, i need to first set phone to the loudest ringing mode before it can disturb me from my deepest slumber.

grabbed a bread from breadtalk (nice breakfast!) and red bull for my afternoon paper. (:

i did a migration question. i think i did quite well. but my comprehension part i think i screwed it up, because i only answered a very small part of the question. not fully. for the last 8 mark question. there wasnt alot of time left.

geog paper at 2pm, totally screwed. but nevertheless i think i can pass. I THINK SO only. i shouldnt pin my hope high as it always results otherwise.

after school, keith taught me some stuff. and a group of us, yi ting, laura, keith, ben and reuben went to burger king. along thr way, we were sharing stories of the infamous SAW I to V sequels. how gory and ingenius Jigsaw carried out his 'games'. and of course, what is there to see when he has died, and what legacy did he leave behind? omg. i wont dare to even think. we proposed to watch in reuben's house someday. shucks. another one of my bad ideas again. i'm instilling fear within myself. OH NO.

keith's strayed interpretation of azwan's words also made my day man. they told me one day azwan was saying, " sometimes at night when i feel bored, i'll go supper with my girlfriend."

keith heard it as " i'll go fuck my girlfriend."

HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHA. WTH.

&baby, i wish you were hear to share my joy of completing the 3 papers today with me. and even out my fear and uncertainties. & the looking forward to tomorrow's math paper too. i missed you so so much.

i couldnt have hanged on, if i didnt have you to love.

doomed

sigh, doomsday. i think i'm finished. prepare my coffin.

i think cambridge think we're scotch brite.

NO, i cant remember so much stuff. why read all these when we hardly encounter such stuff liek droughts, and cyclones, and whatever. like there's an earthquake in singapore? NO! GEOG SUCKS. so is GP.

so, do i give up?

honey, sorry that i'll have to disappoint you this time. there's just not enough time. not enough at all. not even if u give me another month. it's just too crazy for 2 years stuff. o levels can be read in a week.

a levels, seriously need the full 2 years.

& when the stressess sets in, the tears well up in regret. helplessly helpless, they once again, climb out of their world of unhappiness, in search of happier moments. but they realised they couldnt turn back. and jumps to their deaths.

i might just redo a levels. because i just need time.

darling, i'm calling for you, every day, every minute, could you hear me?

really bonkers

i'm trying hard to think. really very very hard. but all i think of is the fact that i might go blank, that very instant in the exam hall.

i'm very nervous. i've got 3 papers tomorrow. GP paper 1 at 8am. GP paper 2 at 10.15am. geography paper at 2pm. in between if u really calculate, i 've got only another hour in between to prepare my paper.

suddenly i feel like i have no boyfriend. i feel like boyfriend has disappeared. it's a very scary feeling. darling, please come back soon. i'm not very strong. be my pillars.

fei fei makes me think of you. i've chucked him somewhere in a corner where i can hardly see him. it's a very cruel thing to do to him. but i'm afraid i might just cry. i already feel like. i can no longer differentiate the feeling of missing you and stress for exams. it might be a fusion of both. but rationally, i cannot think properly already.

sometimes, if u really think, it's stupid to pay $400++ for this stupid exam which will cause you much paranoia. then again, it's stupid to think this way. OH WELL, life's like that.


& baby, i really really hope, during this time, u would just give me all the time you have, to get me through this instead of facing DOTA and CALL OF DUTY4, and WARLOCKS the whole day. if you could, you'll have no idea, how much more i'll appreciate you.
i love you honey. hope you'll come back from field camp soon.

OH NO

I'm going bonkers, because time isnt enough. and it didnt wait for me. i dont know why must i keep learning my lessons the harder way. perhaps i'm simply too lazy. of course, there are other underlying factors behind. yes, the examiners wouldnt know.

and too bad that i let them affect me.

and today i put my alarm at 11.30pm. it was realyl a rude awakening. i didnt dare to sleep back. this is the first time i woke up so readily.

simply because i was afraid i didnt have enough time to study. i'm not going out today. if you want to enourage me perhaps, u may drop me a really short call rather than a message, i might just not even look at my phone at all. and a really short call, like 10 seconds, or slightly more, because i have to combat with time.

i really wished rui xing could be here with me. i'm so rushing i typed all these in less than 2 mins. bye.

a short shop

my day started off with going to raffles place for an important event. then went to marina square to get my breakfast cum lunch with laura. and i saw this really nice bag! it's brand's charis asher. i like the number 4. and i'm so gonna get it. $79.90 thank cute honey. (: actually i would like to get 6, but they dont have stocks. sadly.thereafter, went raffles place to study. studied hard. very hard. dead tired. BUT, we cracked several jokes. cause we tend to side track to relax for a while. we were talking about the eurasians having mutiple christian names putting together to form a name. like shaun ryan peter and chester william francis. so laura told us, once, our JC friend who wanted to perform during teachers day, is called amadea. she has 5 names put together. and they wasnt sure if to just announce amadea or her full 5 names " amadea sitorius sth sth sth". because if the MC were to announce her full name, people might think that there's gonna be 5 people performing on stage! HAHAHAHAHAA...

LEFT TO MEET UP WITH BROTHER.

u know, you cant exactly blame me. but it's just a girl's thing to do. i spent only 1 hour to get all of these i swear, for only $82 altogether (: the $82 collection. you should have seen my brother's girlfriend. she bought even more. she bought something worth $160. twice of mine. wow. *clap*
oh my god, i'm so gonna sell it and make money. (: here's a mask, mascara, foundation base, cleanser, and eye and lip makeup remover.
this is my sliding pact and foundation refil. it comes witha an extra sponge. (: i am so happy. original price is $52! and refil supposed to cost $41. =p
this is my new makeup base. i love the colour man! original price costs i think around $40++. forgot. bro's gf did mention.
OH! MY LAVENDER LOOSE POWDER! i love the shimmers it contains. and softer than sentosa's siloso beach. fragrant and it comes with a travel container with a extra sponge and a cute little scoop. (: costs $40++ supposedly!
my favourite of all. also a make up base. but this has shimmers. and easy to apply. originally $40++
my most needed thing of all. blusher! costs $30++ originally.

altogether, i saved at least $200 in total (: isnt it a good buy?!
owe it to her, my brother's girlfriend, who is working there now. yeah, the one looking a little grouchy. but she's really nice. (: and brother, busy away with his subway sandwich.

our dinner.

but i wasnt exactly happy. darling, i feel empty without you. i long for your return. anyway, jun jie sms-ed me today, thinking i was you, asking me about your field camp. so i replied, "haha, i dont know, swee hin went for it like today, he'l come back to civilisation on thursday. heard he's got nice rations like rendang chicken, but he prefers his cookies and daily serving of maggi noodles."

he was surprised." oh my. you're the girlfriend?"
"yes i am. you dont have his number? 9******* but he surrendered his phone this morning. you may ask again when he comes back."

and people tend to sms me wrongly today, as my brother did. he sent this to me " dear dear i finish lesson le:) later go home bath then go find u le :)"
i replied this to disturb him " dear dear, you sent wrong person le :) "

HAHAHAHAHHAA.


& i could just die right here right now, of the interminable yearning for you& it has caused much emotional struggle within myself. i make fei fei hug me in place of you every night (YES, A little sick, if you do know who is fei fei, i know). still sweet, but it's different, not because it's a soft toy, but because, it's just not you (: