5th day w/o boyfriend

having a rich boyfriend does not help. for the material fulfillment does not mend the cavaties in my heart. and leaving $2k with me is no use, because i, dont want to be your finanacial burden at all. just that today, i spent some money using your card to buy myself the natural confectionery candies i yearn so much for, for i am only left with pathetic a $12 to survive the week. with my pockets running dry, and the magnetic effect my sweet tooth and the candy is generating, i opened my wallet. fumbled for the blue card. SWIPE! your card is drained of another $6, while i happily dip into my new packet of sweets.

heavenly. though my ever-disappearing moolah is purturbing.

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your very absence, kills me.

maybe the only news that brings me alive again, is that out of my so many failures, my general paper isn't one of them. that does not mean that i'm knowledgeable, neither does it say that i'm totally oblivious to world's issues. it's merely a confirmation of my bullshitting skills and basic english standards that i possess, like everyone else do. for it's not a glorious pass; only a humble mark to make my day better.

fynette says" dont let grades draw perimeters around your life"
i'm sad to say i never once thought of that. not even a flash of it. at all.

still, it does not fill up the emptiness that i'm feeling everyday without love.

love exists, in very stingy amounts. for his time is no longer his. the tyranny in the camp, and the camp leaders; hateful but hopeless. the only way out: do their bidding.

i'm like a dope, a pathetic lovelorn. i put my handphone by my heart hoping it rings by the time time reaches 10. my irreparable acts, will become my downfall, yet i still heed the nameless signals and wrecked direction boards. my irrational heart never ceases to bring me again and again, to all the wrong places and encourages my concious wrong doings.

but my wait is often, in vain.

school. dont talk about it. was thinking to skip asp. but we decided to go anyway. accompanied poor ben till his tuition time arrives.

went home. was finding someone to chat but no one else seems online. then managed to chat with patrick, fynette, yixian and jia min. still nothing would beat my dying desire to hear my boyfriend speak.

you're my life.