dashing hope

i've been struggling with some issues of late. it has been really exhausting. everyday, even in his prescence, i'd indulge in my own metaphysical world, question the meaning of my own existence. i dont need a psychologist. nor a counsellor. when i need most, is your promise that you've promised to uphold. while i've shared with you my idealistic picture of both an old man and a wrinkled lady beyond recognition, by the beach, i hope you're that old man. and of course, that disfigured woman would be invariably be referring to me, myself. i wonder if you'll put in the effort to work into my lifelong dream.

and i even wonder if i would live till then.

my unpredictable temper, and craziness have spoilt everything. sometimes i wonder if it's just my fault to have landed everything till this state. i dont know if my instincts are true. but what i am holding onto is merely a string of thread on the rope, initially, weaved so strong and sturdy; along the way, somebody cut it, and you allowed them to cut it. what's left is just a alienated me, and my dying hope to rejuvenate our diminishing love.

maybe it's only time that could tell what is going to happen. by then i hope everything that had affected us will go away. to believe that everything have a silver lining, may just be a mythical legend to inject hope into people who had lost it, probably a very very long time ago.

i'm losing it.