Happy New Year!

hi people, happy new year!

i've felt practically nothing when the new year came along. i Dont feel anything. and people are talking about how they've enjoyed their 2008 and all, and how they hoped 2009 would be a better year for them.

who wouldn't?

But i have gone beyond the point of hoping. i hope for nothing else, but i wished -- to go back into the past. And change everything in my life now. because it's not a totally fantastic life i have. if there's one thing i would change, & that only one thing, i would pull that crying whore in my house away. she was the root of all evil. otherwise, i wouldnt be living my life in envy, of the many thousand complete families out there who have their daddy and mummy to bring them out every saturday and sunday morning for a spin/shopping/dinner.

i used to have everything i wanted.
& it's sucks to see your dad cry, through a door left ajar.

i've made people happy. that i know. but no one could make me. because the people who could, have stopped trying.

& the crying and piercing sounds of hurt & pain& relentless shouting of the yesteryear s kept resonating in my mind. they never did stop.