boyfriend boyfriend where are you ?!

Just to let you know, that whenever you're at work,

your girlfriend- if u still remember you have one-

is missing you every hour, every minute, every second, milisecond, &microsecond.

premonition

i wonder if my instincts ever go right. i hope it is not. i have a problem with my mind. it's telling me to let go. it's 24/7 echoing "the right thing" that i'm supposed to do. i think it's crazy. but my heart wouldnt heed the advice. it seems like i'll never learn.

maybe it's Time. but when i decide on it, it would be the day i'm emancipated from the sufferings of mankind. and i hope it will affect him in some way or another. that's all i ask for... please, at least pretend as i pretend not to be affected. then you'll be free.

i am a really bad person. i realised it. he knows. i know he knows . your giving personality, humour, scent, posture, & the future we've mentioned, shall stay with me. forever i hope.

and it's all these diminishing future with you i'm crying for, every single night. every single night, &they never fail to go away...

IT FAIR 12- 15 june!

working for NEC, together with boyfriend and 2 buddies, yi xian and kai wei. kewl job! i sold like 17 sets, quite bad a record but if u wanna compare it with my previous attempt with fujitsu, gosh, i sold only 3!

first day: woke up early ! supposed to report to work at 10.30am. we were slightly late. but i felt really good man! i sold 8! means i pro! =p rushed to buy pudding milk tea. hehs. sat on eugene's car home. he's really funny! can't stand it! used to dislike him though. but he's really nice. of course, boyfriend's betterrrrr!!!

2nd and 3rd day was so-so. not that fantastic. but i really love the feeling of being able to see my baby first thing in the morning. 我对你的爱是语言难以形容的。不知你是否听见我每天早上对你的呼唤？我不知你到底谅不谅解我所对你说的一切其中的苦衷。我绝对感受不到任何爱意。只有失望， 折磨，痛。

4th day: last day. bf no longer coming over as he had to work. i dont know if i should be happy or sad. i think i should be positive about this whole thing.

i know you made the effort. but it's all my fault. really. i'm sorry. and i really enjoyed myself during the IT fair. i made friends. i had fun. especially when working with him. :)

at peace.

dying soul

when the stressess sets in, all i think of is to avoid. the best solution, therefore, is to lookforward to a particular status i've always wanted to remain. if i could turn back time, i wish i'd choose a different route. i wouldnt choose this path i'm walking now. because it's a lonely journey. i dont't have a companion, even though i seem to have.

i want a person who could love me the way i loved him. i never found Him.

& what i fear most, is that diminishing faith. and it could lead to my death.

and happy 2nd baby. the forgotten day. seriously hoping that you are true .

sleepy head

brother's serving NS from today onwards. i wonder how he'll do there. i woke up from all the noise and commotion brother and girlfriend and mother created. coming in and out, in and out of my dad's room where younger brother and i fell asleep on dad's bed from watching LaBiXiaoXin cartoon the night before. i woke up. irritated. went back to my room.

and i decided i should wake up to say bye to brother.

i pulled fei fei out of my room together with me. brother's gone. his girlfriend looking down the block. uh-oh!! he's gone!

i called him. " kor kor, fei fei wanna say bye to you!"

i thought he was gonna say i am crazy or sth, but he DID NOT! instead, to my horror, he said, "叫它来听电话” HAHAHA! WHAT A JOKER! so damn farkin cute!

then i brought fei fei to the phone. fei fei didnt say anything(obviously it cant speak, it's a soft toy people) so my brother commented, " if he cant speak how he say bye?"

i was like =.=

then i read this story "i believe you" by a local writer. when i couldnt sleep back. easy english. romantic story. by this guy Low Kay Hwa. if i cant find the book in libraries, i'm buying it. :) it's all charmaine's fault, sending me this e-book link, so i had to read it, and somehow it was quite addictive. or should i blame my inquisitive nature instead? =p

at 5, i picked boyfriend up from work. bought Hans muffins for brother's girlfriend, a chocolate cheese and bluberry. hehs. a farewell gift. i'm pretty sad she's leaving. she sews my school skirt, helps me with my ignorance with washing clothes. teaches my how to get rid of pimples. washes my dishes. she rocks man. my brother has to keep her for good. :)

walked around tampines mall with honey. before that, i saw him walk out of the office with his regional manager or sth of that sort. so i called him “巴结”， because he 'sucked' up to him. joke! and i had mos milk tea and tori Q's chicken ball and a chocolate cheese muffin before dinner.

dinner with KFC with my in-law. -_-''' HAHA! no i'm not married. it's shamelessly self pronounced status. boyfriend has already admitted me in some way or another anyway. haha! =p

stayover. and sh's sister just came back from thailand! boyfriend earned a Ed hardy, Abercrombie and Raoul shirt. while his mother got a sexy swim suit. Pheww-wit! HAHA! i think that Ed hardy's shirt is not his style though. it's so tattooey!

http://www.edhardyshop.com/

u'll see why it totally does not fit my boy. and he says it's ah beng. his sister retorted," u dont know how to appreciate branded stuff."

HAHAA.

and we turned in early. work at 9am tomorrow.

NEC training

went for some IT training as i'm gonna work in IT fair this june holidays. i'm not working because of the money. in fact, i'm really self sufficient. but i'm re-living the past. when rui xing was my competitor, when he stole my customers back in last december. Haha.

we used to work together. now, we're working with togetherness :)

first met up with kai wei in the mrt station. i was really a noobhead. i was supposed to meet kai wei in woodlands but i took the train to marsiling because i was so rushed, it slipped off my mind that i'm supposed to wait for her instead of me looking for her. we enjoyed our bubble tea and old chang kee treat in the car. woots. but i poured quite a few mouthfuls of green apple green tea into my bag. almost, his PSP. close shave.

met up with misato, mei shan, kai wei, xian and xian xu. and we were really helpless in tanjong pagar. but we managed to find the place though.

saw engene. he gave the talk. they were really funny when they acted out the ' way to sell ', the tactics and the mind games they play. i preferred it than to fujitsu's talk. dont talk about it.

thereafter, was dinner with kai wei and xian. wanton noodles again. our signature hideout. and i tried to look around for a suitable top. i found it. a bright yellow dress. but it's for small breasted girls. i cant pull the top part down to the lower part of my torso. but the yellow was most ideal. it makes me smile :) and i look good in bright yellow!

home with kai wei's sister and her boyfriend and kai wei of course.

gossips. laughs. and phonecall with boyfriend to end the night.

La Bi Xiao Xin with little brother with roller coaster and yeo's soya bean and sparkling H2O from vending machine downstairs was snack for cartoon.

......slept. @ 02++ am

family outing

dad cooked bee hoon for us, and ruixing's lunch i had it prepared, spending 6 hours to make sushi for his lunch yesterday!

soon enough, ruixing had to go work. and when he was looking for the mini green tea bottle that had a capacity of only 100ml, he intended to bring it to work,

we had a sudden revelation, and he said, " i never saw it after we had our ice cream last night!!"

HAHAHAHAHA!

later on in the afternoon, my brother and his girlfriend's gonna watch kungfu panda, i was INVITED! and we're joining the pandamonium. for people out there who havent's realise it's supposed to be a pun out of the word pandemonium, i'm telling you now.

bye boyfriend. i'm catching a movie. have fun at work. have fun with mary and cindy. :)share my sushi with them. dont be a selfish pig.

-------UPDATES----------

KungFU panda was a good laugh, not fantastic, but if your english is not of a certain standard, u wouldnt laugh though. i know it because my brother and his girlfriend didn't catch some part of the joke. the audience mostly made of up small children and parents did not laugh at some points too. it's just a hint of humour, u may laugh out but not prolonged. so i guess, for those whose english may not be 'there', be entertained with the panda. it's really adorable. :)

and i've got news. i was told that rx's colleagues was green when they tried my sushi. it wasnt the taste that made them feel it, it was the thought that made them envy. :) hope my baby loved it. & together with the attention. haha. heard cindy tried one. =p

as usual. phone after work. i'm thinking real hard what to get for him next for his breakfast. sushi's time consuming. VERY. i need something i can fix up within an hour. sweet and sour pork? his favourite. but i've got to make it real nice. i'm gonna be a good cook. my friends out there. u must trust me. believe in me. HAHA. really. i will be.

... sandwiches? korean cuisine? malay dishes? prata? ( yes, if i know how to flip the flour correctly with minimal complications, IF I KNOW HOW TO MAKE THE DOUGH IN THE FIRST PLACE) murtabak? hot dog buns? KFC rip offs? burgers?

thinking is making my head swell.

and having rui xing, also makes my head swell :)

everyday night

picked ruixing from woodlands interchange after he got off 168. :) and we went for a short walk in the closed shopping centre. he had a Mc flurry and i got Hot Fudge Sundae, and we decided to get home, by foot.

it was probably the most romantic move. so far, by him, after we got together. and when i tried to be romantic too, when he said the moon is not up there, i tried my luck and said, (eh hem!) " when the sun is gone, you light up my day. and when the moon's not there, u shall be my light for the night."

he laughed. and said "'LOUSY EH YOU !"

and we burst out into laughter.

so my attempt to be romantic didnt work.

i said a really stupid thing. i posed him a rhetorical question, just to make sure he ask me the question i wanted him to ask.

"darling, do you know what's the fastest way to get from here to my home?"

"what is?"

"u got to take the route that bus 178 takes first then the one by 913. that 's the fastest way."

i said it with sooOOO MUCH CONFIDENCE, in the end, i was stumped. he hesitated too. and i said, "eh? isnt it overall the route that bus 178 takes?"

he replied, " YA ! BULLSHIT! what half of 178 and half of 913? it's what 178 takes wad!!!"

"oh ya, sorry !"

HAHAHA!!!

and he sang, "i love you, i love you, i love you, woo wooo woo woo, i miss you, i mis you, i miss you, woo wooo wooo wooo i love you, i love you...." following the I Will Follow Him tune.

i decided to educate him with the authentic lyrics, it goes, "

I Will follow him, follow him wherever he may go

and near him i always will be

for nothing can keep me away, he is my destiny

I Will Follow Him,

ever since He touched my heart i knew

there isnt an ocean too deep,

a mountain so high it can keep, keep me away,

away from His love

i love him, i love him, i love him,

and where He goes i follow, i follow, i follow,

He'll always be my true love, my true love, my true love,

from now until forever, forever, forever...

he immediately swore, " i swear i'm gonna download this song once we get back!"

and we walked home, our palms kissing each other really hard, singing the song over and over again, till we see the blocks so familar, reluctant to end the 15 min walk, but we know this is not going to be our last time.

sentosa

i'm really thankful honey, for fulfilling my loooonnng awaited dream. -- to go beach with my darling!it's sushi, and long john's on the picnic mat, in palawan beach!

(more picts to be uploaded) andyway, i slept on the cosy sand. i really slept. haha, while ruixing was looking at another group of people playing rugby on the court.

after i woke up, we played volleyball. but it hurts a whole lot! he's a volleyball player in secondary school. of course he wont complain!!! i saw u in short pants darling! i'm revealling your ugly secret! u wore it so high! u showcased your slim, slender thighs! so gay! HAHAHA! i saw that picture in your picture shelves!

and i buried him in the sand.
boyfriend in the sand! boyfriend in the sand! who wants to buy the pretty boy? one dollar one dollar!
after sand was water play. lets go dippin' !

here's the amazing part. first we were in the west side of the beach. there were alot of teenagers and adolescents playing rugby and some beach ball games. that sort of stuff. then we walked to the other end, we noticed the family groups were all in the centre of the beach, with floats, and plenty of kids crying for mummy. then, we went over o the east side and settled down as it was more peaceful here. then we noticed there were a few couples, dipping inside the water and hugging and toying around with each other and water (what else right?) then rui xing said the most sensible thing.

"we were at the wrong side of the beach all along!(west side) there's catergories! haha! "

we bathed. and found there's a mini exhibition of parrots. for a moment we thought we were in jurong bird park! LOL.

as there's still some time before he meets up with jun jie, wei jie and this girl (sorry! i forgot your name!) as some kind of 'last gathering' before jj goes to the army, rui xing decided that we go on a sky ride! we're 176542456788 feet off ground! =p

we're on this.
legs! bare. what an exposure! <- double meaning!
a luge ride! baby and i were road hogging there! we purposely stuck in the middle of the road and took some pictures! (to be uploaded again)
ben and jerry's after sentosa. and we walked around. baby got me a pair of cheap pink, elaborated earrings for $6. thanks to GSS! yay! and i decided that i should not do the shoppping. in the end i started the lookout for honey's pair of shorts :)

halfway through, the girl came along. her name is... i'll tell you again.
this is rui xing in the darking. lurking in the background is the girl i'm talking about. errr....

Marche for dinner! we walked out of swensen's! as soon as we sat down! utterly shameless! haha! but the swensen's in Vivo seemed to offer nothing else but lobster and steak. what extravagran-cy.
so here's the potato meal.
everybody ordered this.
baby and i shared a salmon steak. it was great! but i didn't know darling didnt like it as much as i do. i'm sorry. and honey, don't order things that only i like. dont be silly. :) order things that we both, like. hehs.
calamari, some sea bass white fish filet by wei sheng, and our's, orange meat. bundled our meal with bundaberg's root beer and ginger beer. cheapo dollars with sub quality meal. not bad. but what's most important wasnt the moolah nor the food. it's .. ....... :)

my day was great rui xing, thanks a million. for all the joy and laughter. and... my marche pink balloon. hehs!

keeping up with e times

see fei fei and me!

xian and i hugging my fei fei !

okay so we finally met up for like 2 hours?! and talked about what girls would. i'm spiritually happier as i have another confidante now. but the emotional turmoil seems to be for here to stay despite everything else. badly struggling with insomnia and bad appetite. perhaps it's just a regular phase.


and a really funny thing happened.
before i met her, i told her "i'm gonna bring a friend along, and he's a friendly one!"
thus when i reached there, xian immed asked, "where's your friend?"
i put down my bag on the table, and pointed to the bag, and said "inside"
HAHAHAHAHA!

porcupines

i realised there's too many nosey parkers poking their noses in my life. as a prelude, i shall establish the fact that i shall be more euphemistic in my following thoughts as it might be offensive to these people. i'll try as much to soften the impact against you for i am for civilization and euphemism is the 'way-to-go' way of lending my thoughts to my 'global' audience.

你的意见我只好逆来顺受。但并不代表我认同你的所作所为。即你决定再此偷偷摸摸，你就应保留你不中听的意见；即使是中听得我也不想知道因为我们互不相关。我有我做人的原则，情别插手。这是我对你的忠告。我并无恶意，也无任何阴谋诡计，只求你尊重我的感受与意见。

especially when it does not involve you at all.

you're like a poacher. you observe and pick on weaknesses of people. but humanity won't be approving of your arbitrary way of being a moral being. because you're overly judgmental and you do not understand the underlying rationale. instead, you cunningly allege people of the innocent and therefore you deny yourself a moral being consequently.

you're a double standard. just as you disapprove of my doings, your doings are as disapproving as well and what makes you a lesser being is your awareness of what is wrong but still going ahead with it. though i may be already the 'lesser being' that i've mentioned, our distinction, i believe, is being made even clearer when you decided to join my congregation.

我的私欲不需不相干的人给意见。
you'll lead to the decadence of mankind.
keep in mind that just as others are obnoxious to you, you are as repelling.
so to put it very simply, understandable terms to you, this creature trying to create havoc in my life,
fuck off.