driven to desperation

okay, my luck has been really rubbing off.

after losing $180 , before including my ezlink card with $5.00++ and a school photocopying card which costs another bomb. my estimated cost of losing a wallet along the streets of orchard is a total of around $200. (it could be worse, yeah, self deception is kinda not working, and over the weekends, the lumpy sum, kept appearing in the midst of my thoughts while reading The Time Machine by H.G. Wells, it appeared in my dreams, while i was eating, while i played the piano....) it's a nightmare okay, especially when i'm really tight on finance to print stuffs, pay bills, buy some books, shop for stuffs, invest in ginny's belated present and the coming birthday's of honr en and farah. ARGHHHHH.. wHAT A LOSS!

I MEAN IT'S JUST MATERIAL LOSS. but i'm lying to you if i don't feel the pain. i could help the poor, buying from the poor ex-prisoner who came up to me so sincerely selling pens in a bid to support his family and half going to the yellow ribbon society. i could have donated my remaining assets to the blind man, slogging the whole day, and everyday in that stuffy underground playing music till his fingers bleed, singing till his throat is hoarse, defeaned by the loudness of passers-by and the aunties and school kids and uncles taling about their everyday lives that even the infinitesimal, meagre sum of money from basking isnt enough to cover medical losses. i rather had given it to these needy than to anybody along the streets who happily picked up MY PURSE and CALL IT THEIR OWN. INCLUSIVE OF THE $$.

i do not want to resort to unethical/immoral/undesirable means. but i can't forgive people who arent' honest. i mean if i picked up a wallet I WOULD return. AND I HOPE, that that particular person stripped totally of his integrity the moment he decided to keep MY PURSE, receive his retribution due. and weiloong, if u meet victims like me, u' had better watch out. HAHA. you could just slip on a strip of banana peel. hacked of your bank acccount, or whatever bank you have your savings in (hopefully not POSB) close down the next arriving day, lose $ in shares you invest, LOSE YOUR WALLET TWICE A MONTH, choke on drinking water, and everything else but dying. I want you to experience the pain of not having enough to make ends meet for the rest of your life. make you understand what i go through, the want to splurge but have not enough to do so.

but then again. this made me aspire for a parvenu. please the noveaux rich, come to me, be my friend. be my boy friend. (:

CVD day

today's my school carnival . this is the haunted house. hmm... looks scary enough.

martin came today. (: i missed him. thanks bud for coming. i've got him and myself 2 helium balloons.

unfortunately today, i lost my wallet after the event. wanted to go orchard to buy stuffs. but i lost my money along the way. realised it only when i'm gonna pay for the food. so irritating. it's $180 and cards.it was my allowance, notes printing, bill, books money... for a moment i was so rich. another i became so poor. :( thankfully rui xing was there. (: saviour!

at night, met up with wei loong. gave away my balloons to 2 kids. (: i've done good deeds. i believe i told the story. and to the ex convict, im sorry i couldnt help. i'll find you again someday

ya kun

ate breakfast at ya kun with rui shan and laura.

smile laura!

after school, went to kai wei's house to learn how to make a cheese cake!

and it's really tasty!
i'm sure i'll make a great cook. hehs

it's not so advanced after all

i yearn for a time capsule machine to be invented, to bring me back into the past, to relive those moments of how i loved somebody and experiencing euphoria at the same time without feeling the slightest of heartbreaking sensations here and there when it wasnt well appreciated. i'm missing him, and him. one whom i loved unconditionally but still left me, the other, one who couldnt accept my flaw of not able to remember things and labelled me as not thoughtful enough as a consequence; left me without notice, and never ever bothered to draw the line between us, he just left it there, to let things heal and fade away.

every story ended sour. i have 6 such stories. i have 6 such tragedy to share. each of them was brutal, heart rapturing, leaving my nights sleepless like after watching a horror flim, with blood splattering everywhere, mirroring my life as mutilation performed upon a human's body. my body that is. pain was beyond comprehension, beyond your limits of tolerance, unless you're me.
but he did come back to me, not as my lover, but as a friend. he was now unreachable. everytime i spend time with him, i feel the way i felt towards him the first time we met. an indescribable feeling. he could make me fall in love with him 10 times in a row in a second. 10000 times in a row in a minute. but i've faced up to reality. we're really not meant for each other. (if u really did the mathematics and it didn't tally, you should've realised it's just an estimation, or rather, its never definite :) so don't bother)

-wl, with you, what i've sustained on was that kind of feeling you've given me. it's just like dreaming during my conciousness. u're my fairytale. u're too good to be true. and i'll never believe that it's gonna be true. (:

so instead of dwelling on the past, i'm gonna wait for my prince charming to pick me up. one day, i know. it'll be my turn to be cinderella and live happily ever after.

halo in sight

just 2nd day of school and i'm sick. JC life, as usual, had caused the deaths of many. i mean it literally as well as abstractly. darn.

as usual, the route alone to polyclinics had been sort of a habit formed since last year. the last time i ever remembered anyone accompanying me to a doctor, was last year. when i was still being loved, by him, and yet i didnt appreciate enough and still ended up quarrelling, angry at him for not being considerate enough. i didnt see what was good, presented right in front of me. i'm not sorry, i just merely missed that kind of feeling, when he took charge of my life for the moment. really missed it =/

and my demanding self, had not left me. yet. maybe it would. maybe it's dependent on my company instead. but for sure, i hate to go to the doc alone, as much as i hate the wrong company to go along with me.

you have to be special. its not just anyone.

death entrails

first day of school. i experience jitters and fear, what i call first-day phobia. i know i cant cry and call out for mummy anymore. instead, i turn to wei loong. i said, "save me" he replied the same. LOL. our dreadful lives. hahas!

things to clear: by 3 JAN 2008
1) 2 econs essay outline.
2) lit poem
3) lit short ans questions
4) GP reasearch bout one thing our community is doing to help the handicapped.
5) read up on geog case study

things to clear : by 4 JAN 2008
1) 3 geog questions
2) 2 data response questions

by 10th JAN, BLOCK TESTS STARTS. just next week. WTF. )(*&^%$#@!~

just by next week, it's my doomsday. what's worse, was to have mr ganesh, our discipline head as my GP tutorial teacher, and even worse? ms aminah, notorious for her temper and fierce disposition --- so scary students book seats 1 hour before her lecture, as my economics tutorial teacher.

)(*&^%$#@!
- luckily i had rx, boy, to hear me out, taking in my rantings and complaints about how the world is so unfair. - <3>

《3 - 等待那么一天的到来。

我心中的唯一，已被他而占领。不会有他人， 目标也不会变。但我们不再可能，只能让友情当我们之间的桥梁，把伤心的过去抹掉，重新开始。爱的是你，你是知道的，但再也不能把“爱你”二字挂在嘴边。每当与你在一起，只能默默的回味当初爱你的感觉，那初恋的味道。对你的感觉从未动摇过。 看见你，不管遇到什么挫折，都会感到高兴。从你的身上会感受到前所未有幸福的感觉。 一直到现在，那感觉依然还在。从前，你意味着我的未来，但现在，我只要做你的朋友，让我偶尔看见你，把心中的感触都与你分享，做我最好的朋友，永远别离开。

但如果你对我依然还有所留念，告诉我你还爱我。无需再在一起，只要让我知道，让我知道在那广阔的天空里，有那么一颗星愿意为我而发光，就像我对你的爱意。 问我，把对你的爱放一个极限。 我会告诉你：“就像天空的星星一样，我，会为你而发光，照料你最黑暗的时刻，一千一百万年。。。”

it;s another girl thing (: - happy 2008

here's something to prove woodlands's not so boring after all. 2 project superstar sugi and chanel came along, hosting some stage show welcoming the new year. attracting a whole crowd, creating some commotion amongst fans and the public.

nevertheless, kai wei and i are not at all drawn to anything but free helium balloons. what's most saddening was to see people around us, kids and the elderly and the middle aged, holding ballons of all colours, but none of it was left to us. we went to queue up for those round-shaped-helium filled toy, reminding us much of our childhood, but when we were approaching nearer and nearer to it, they announced that there were no more balloons left. we left, walking in another direction, disappointed. but we decided not to let it affect our new year mood. we left for food. the universal cure for everything

pasta mania.

this is peiru

this is kai wei .

TIME TO CUT DOWN ON THOSE FATTY THIGHS AND FLABBY ARMS.

we had pasta and pizza. (: it's our night kai wei. hehs. after buying some stuff, we headed to kai wei 's house

it's rui xing's lappy i'm holding and kai wei 's . we could open a LAN shop. so for the night we spent it on playing computer games, chatting, eating grapes, entertaining patrick ( only to get a scolding from him) , nail painting, and putting on a facial mask.

a large milk tea from MOS burger, facial masks, grapes, nail polish, sweets we got.

so we painted nails at 3 am in the night...

and it's her long and sexy legs. enhancing with nail polish would attract more guy girl! LOL

happy 2008 people. our smiles will brighten up your year. hehs.

last of us before we sleep and put on our masks.

yes, and this is me. kai wei declined to scare people off. i shall be the baddy. wahahhaa. scarier than "scream" right. hahs. =p
good night kai. the night is old already.

we slept with our masks on. (: what a way to spend our new year. hehs.